Haiku 1

Anxiety burns
At the bottom of the breath
Clinging ego point

Making the Fortress-House into a Home

The title is words from J. Denosky (who is an enigma, but has numerous site on the web with regard to supernatural and metaphysical phenomena). I believe I read it in the story "The Life of Kira". But this sums up my transformation this past two weeks. Really coming to grips with ego attachment and how the habit of Fortress-House has been perpetuated in my mind. The release of ego by asking for God's grace is now a felt sense. One I was not previously aware of. My noble efforts to "figure out" what makes me tick, were in vain. I was trying to find God, Buddhanature, the Christ within which is an impossible task. One that can make you literally crazy. But perhaps it was the way for me because now after reaching complete surrender I was able to relax into letting Love help me. I had hammered, clawed, bitten and strained trying to find God, all to no avail. It was the surrender that allowed me to feel the grace, love and emptiness of a moment. Fleeting as it was in memory, there remains the bodily memory which shall sustain me and keep me open and willing to strive in the direction of the Awakened Heart or Home. The grasping Fortress-House of ego is now tame. Pain, love, happiness, sadness - all things are free to come and go from the Home. This is who I truly am.

Lord show me the way

Keep me safe in mind and body

Your greatest gift to me

has been free will.

May I continue to receive your grace

turning my will over to you

until it is yours

May you know that I yearn to

share with others

so they too may come to dwell in the

Home of Awakened Heart

The Noble Leader

I just read an article online in the Shambhala Sun; a discussion between Pema Chödrön and her teacher, Dzigar Kongtrül. The article was written in January of 2006 but I found a correlation in Dzigar Kontrül words between the difference in self-centeredness verses buddhnature of mind and to the upcoming transition from President Bush to President Elect Obama.

"This innate love is a powerful force that is now being led by a completely noble, incredibly dignified leader. Before, this powerful force, an army with the richness of a whole kingdom behind it and the loyalty of the subjects, was being led by a crooked king, and that crookedness created a state of confusion that spread everywhere. When that crooked leader is replaced by a noble leader, with a genuine sense of dignity, everyone in the kingdom can reap the benefit of the positive qualities that are the basic nature of the kingdom in the first place.

The noble leader is altruistic mind, and the crooked leader is self-centeredness. Self reflection is what discriminates between the qualities of self-centeredness of the bad leader and the altruistic mind of the good leader."

While I don't like all of the analogies referencing battles and good verses bad, I do find a connection between the "battle" I have with seeing the good or noble basis of who I am and my ego's persistent effort to survive. My ego operates out of fear, reacting to external input rather than relying on my built-in internal buddhanature mind to find clarity. Further in the article, he talks about overcoming this ego-based self-hatred by directing loving-kindness to our mind not to self. This is a profoundly moving concept for me.

This weekend in particular, I have been mindful of our country's Presidential transition. I feel we are transitioning from a fear-based leader or as Dzigar Kontrül notes a self-centered crooked leader to an altruistic noble leader. I know he is not referencing Bush and Obama but I like being able to connect the feeling of what he is saying with a real life experience for myself. At no other time in my life have I felt such a perceptible difference in Political leaders as I have with this election. Obama is different. He is based in loving-kindness. He operates from that space. I feel I will be able to learn many lessons in the next four years from our noble leader. "Everyone in the kingdom will reap the positive qualities that are the basic nature of the kingdom in the first place."