Thoughts & Lessons

During this mornings green meditation, I discovered how yesterday's thoughts turned into today's lessons. The important point really is that it is the feelings that need to be delved into as opposed to the thought concept. Not really sure exactly how to talk about this since it is a raw concept for me right now.

So in Lewis Richmond's blog yesterday, Aging As A Spiritual Practice, I came away with the term "true nature". Usually it is heard as Buddha nature. It struck me though literally as outdoor nature. Specifically the forest. My mind kept coming back to a high Sierra fir stand on the side of a mountain. I could picture the stand quite literally. Despite the elements, despite man, despite the animals and bugs, the stand just stands there in true nature (representing nature), not apparently doing anything but living. They aren't nice or mean, good or bad, right or wrong. All concepts that are constructs of my mind on what "true nature" is and isn't. The stand just is. This morning I realized there was a feeling associated with this thought/realization. It wasn't the concept that needed to be tossed and contemplated but the feeling.

Last night while passing through the room, I caught a portion of Anderson Cooper 360 story. The portion I watched was a commentary between Anderson and Martin Sheen (who helps financially support the gang project) talking about Father Gregory Boyle, a Catholic priest who some had said early on in the Gang Project had been taken advantage of buy some of the gang members. Anderson posed this question to Father Boyle who responded that he was in position to be able to "give advantage". Mr. Sheen followed up by saying he is able to give the Gang member unconditional love and today they know and feel that from Father Boyle. Again it wasn't the new twist in giving advantage as opposed to taking advantage but the feeling that arose from it.

And finally, this mornings dream session was quite vivid and full. But during my experimenting with the "green zone" (not fully awake but conscious while sleeping) the voice came through load and clear that dreaming is not about remembering the details so I can later analyze and dissect them for their symbolism and meaning but instead to meditate on the feelings that arise from the dreams themselves. Concentrate on the joy or frustration or what ever visceral feeling is present in the green zone and early morning hours. For me this is where the study, work and practice will be focused for a while.

Listen for the answer

Tonight in prayer the question came to me, "Why did the molestation happen to me? What was the reason for me? What was the reason for him?" There was no emotional pain with these questions tonight. Just wondering why like why do trees loose their leaves in the winter type questions. I watched my brain take off starting to play out different scenarios when rather quickly a voice came to me and said, "Stop and listen. Be still with your mind. Let it rest and listen for the answer. It is there as it always has been."

Stillness

Last night I was awakened. The voice said,

"Built into the notion of your life is that everything is fixed."

I was struck by this and wrote it down because it doesn't quite make sense here but coming awake from the dream state it was the idea that everything has an innate sense of stillness. I also liked the way it referenced the "notion" of "your life". During morning meditation I had a strong sense to rely on my breath as God. Always here, natural to the point of not knowing it is there most of the time. And this is okay with God. My lack of awareness is okay. The idea that I am doing enough came through strongly.

Dreamtime Messages

Recently I have become very aware that I am receiving teachings through my dreams. In the last couple of years I have experienced clear messages or truths, in the pre-awakening state of dreaming, that have given me understanding through my sense receptors of mind, touch, sight, and hearing. Smell & taste are absent. Within these four senses, moments of clarity have arisen giving me confidence in my own personal awakened nature. Searching out teachings is becoming more of an internal quest within the happenings of my householder experience.