Why

There is no Question

There just Is

Intimate Energy

This can be a confusing thing for me. A deep energy steeped in grasping and aversion but at its root the same energy. Recently I have had some highly charged dreams. Upon awakening this energy is still very present within me. I want to grab it and make it real or push it away and rid myself of the images and feelings. This highly charged state, though quite seductive, is allowing me to practice restraint both physically and mentally.  

My background with this is around a molestation that happened when I was 15. Often I find myself with this intimate energy in dreams and flashbacks. Trying to cut the root of the story line that plays in my head has become key to my practice. Recognizing it and then coming back to love without the added effects. I have a tendency to grab on to people, both men and women and idealize them. Move them into that realm of worship. People who kindle the spirit energy within me. I am always betrayed emotionally because I forget they are human. Meditation has allowed me to see this and then restrain from running with the charged emotions and feelings. I am gaining confidence in my own internal wisdom.